Looking for authentic advice on supporting your college-bound student? Who better to turn to than parents who have already been there? While we regularly feature insights from higher education experts, this article presents wisdom straight from the parents of college students. Student-life staff at Berry College curated a powerful collection of quotes featuring crucial topics for parents navigating the college transition with their children. Dive into real comments from those who have already walked this path. Here’s their top advice for the parents of new college students.
Set Realistic Expectations
Parents Say Expect a Little Discomfort:
“Expect a unique experience for your student, not a carbon copy of your own college experience.”
“Give yourself time as a parent to adjust.”
“Expect a roller-coaster of emotion, especially the first year.”
“Learn to listen without judging or adding undue pressure.”
“Don’t be a superhero. Your student may think the world is on fire and everyone is the bad guy. Listen. Ask questions. Reassure them and let your student find ways to save themselves.”
High school students often hear, “College will be the best four years of your life!” This isn’t true for everyone, especially right off the bat. College life is different from living at home, and it may take time for you to both find your footing and adjust to your new roles. Students should expect some discomfort as they adapt to new rhythms like sharing a room and bathroom or managing new food options. If you were once a college student, keep in mind that college looks different from when you were in school. Manage your own expectations for your child’s college experience.
Recent research suggests parents frequently stay in touch with their college students these days. However, by allowing them to connect with people on campus rather than primarily connecting with you, they can begin to build more support on campus. Discuss and set expectations for your communication. Figure out the best times and methods for catching up. Encourage your college student to engage with their new environment rather than calling or visiting home, even when it’s tough.
Parents Say Expect Relationships to Take Time:
“It takes a while to settle in and find their people. Communicate to your student not to judge the college experience by the first semester or year.
“Not all students find their people right away, and that’s okay.”
“The dining hall is a place for more than just sustenance. Social connections are made over meals just like with families at home.”
“Weekends are when the fun and bonding occur. Discourage weekend visits to other colleges or home for a few weeks if not more.”
Many Berry College parents discuss the places and spaces on college campuses where students organically build community. It can be difficult for students to get out of their comfort zones and get to know someone new. Tell your young adult that meaningful friendships can take time to develop. If they see groups of friends smiling online, remind them that social media can be deceiving. Whether a student has a few friends or many friends, encourage your student to take the initiative to introduce themselves to someone in the dining hall or invite someone to hang out rather than waiting for invitations. Another great place to meet friends is in information sessions about clubs and hobbies. Students may get to know someone through a new campus activity.
Encourage Independence
Parents Say Don’t Find Information for Your Student:
“Encourage your student, not you, to call offices directly if info is needed fast. Encourage independence and initiative.”
“Community helpers are all around campus, but students need to ask for what they need.”
“If your student has problems (class schedule, housing, maintenance, etc.), guide them to a resource, but don’t pursue the fix yourself.”
“Determine if your child needs your help, or if you just need to let them vent at times.”
At some point, your college student will face difficulties. From infancy, you have been meeting your child’s needs. It can be tough to let go of this role as they develop. When you want a child to succeed, one of the greatest temptations for a parent is to over help. College is full of places and spaces where students can get the help they need, but it’s important to practice reaching out for help on their own.
Use this season to foster your student’s independence and problem-solving skills. For example, encourage them to take the initiative by calling offices directly during work hours when they need information quickly. Rather than waiting for an email, this practice not only builds their confidence but also instills valuable communication skills. Encourage your student to be resourceful and seek help independently. Familiarize yourself with the college resources available on campus to guide your student, but only when needed. Remember, under FERPA, professors cannot share academic information with you without your student’s permission.
Parents Say Help Them Help Themselves:
“Let them make mistakes.”
“Help them create a network in their program of study and encourage them to meet upperclassmen who have adjusted.”
“Watch for clues in their behavior. Watch their social media if they are not acting like you think they should, reach out and ask the hard questions. Are you depressed? Are you safe? Depending on the answers, be ready for whatever answer is given, and support those answers. If your child says, ‘yes,’ they are depressed, there are outlets to point them to. Just don’t ignore their answers.”
Overall, college is a pretty safe space to fail. A recent Berry sports communication graduate described how it was his job to take photos of every senior on the Berry baseball team during senior night. At the end of the night, however, he discovered that he was using a camera without a memory card. Although he had taken photos, he had nothing to show for his work. In a career setting, the outcome of this situation could have been very different, but Gavin Booker ’23 says it was an impactful learning experience.
For parents, one of the best ways to help them help themselves is taking your child’s emotional temperature. Students are likely to feel lonely at times. But if you’re concerned about your student’s emotional well-being and you see they aren’t getting help themselves, reach out to campus resources like residence life staff, health centers counseling services and student wellness offices. These campus support systems offer crisis resources, group therapy and wellness coaching.
Along with emotional health, ensure your student knows their insurance information and medication needs. Discuss the importance of regular exercise, sufficient sleep and proper nutrition. Address topics like substance abuse and sexual activity.
You can do this!
Overall, parents report that setting expectations and encouraging independence are two critical areas to support college-bound students in meaningful ways. Allowing students to experience discomfort and growth, build their community and seek help independently will help them thrive. With these strategies, you can help your new college student embark on a successful and fulfilling college journey.
Looking for more advice for parents of college students? Check out the article, “Expert Advice College Students Need Now.”
